The blog went offline for a few days. Everything has been sorted out and I’m back online now :) Thanks to the tumblr staff for the help!
I love you to the stars and back. Every single one of them.
Well, its a situation that needs a lot of care if you ask me. The kind of hurt she has been subject to is more on the level that is like a scar that has never healed in her heart and mind. And the fact that what happened on your first time is part of knowing that being there. I think you need to understand, or if I can put it into words that you can understand more is that the sexual side of her emotions is really delicate. Think of it like a thin membrane. It can be torn with even the littlest reminder of the thing that she fears or hates about her past. And no amount of forgetting or forgiving can make her get over that part of her life. What you can, and should do is, trust yourself and your love for her. Love her in a way that she can never imagine someone loving her. Love her in a way that she only thought was possible in movies or in fairy tales. Love her without limits or restraints. But, know that she needs her space from time to time. Learn to know the signs when she needs to be alone and when she doesn’t want to be alone. Keep her safe and loved and always let her know that you are there for her no matter what and that you love her always. Don’t be shy about letting her know that you love her with all you have. But I suggest you don’t say to her a lot, that you are there for her, but rather show it in your actions and the things you do. The only way for her to get over this is with your help and love. Cover that broken part of her with your love. Keep adding to it more and more and she will learn to let go of that part of her life for herself and for you cos she will then see that all she ever needs is you and her past doesn’t matter when she is with you. She trusts you. Even now, for her to have gone through with making love to you, it must mean that she trusts you deeply. Don’t take it for granted but see every day as a way for you to earn her trust more. Talk to her whenever you can and take time to be with her. Never be too busy to be there for her when she needs you. Keep her safe. And finally, know that you shouldn’t treat her like a fragile girl in the decisions she makes. Her decisions might not be easy to digest for you sometimes but respect her wishes, respect her needs and always be there for her, by her side. Let her know and feel that she is a strong woman and able to handle herself on her own, but, you are always there to catch her even if she stumbles and falls.
And as for the future of things. Tell her in time, maybe someday, and you will know when its time, that her father has no power over her and that she shouldn’t be afraid of him. That you are there for her and she is yours and that you won’t let anyone hurt her ever again. And I suggest when and if you ever come face to face with her father and if by any chance, she is with you then, that you stand up to him. She belongs to you and you belong to her. Thats all she needs. To be the man she needs you to be.
It’s not something that is common if thats what you are asking. Most women can I think. And It partly also would take the right man to make her get there. It something thats attached emotionally for most or all. Just like having an orgasm only happens to 10 out of 20 women on average, same goes for squirting. Some or all can, but very few does it or ever knows that they can reach there.
There is only one way to take on this situation and its by sitting him down and having a serious conversation. I think he took your saying yes, way too far and it should be dealt with. Just because you said yes to something he wanted doesn’t mean you gave up your freedom to say no. And bdsm between couples is about love and understanding and knowing when to stop and knowing when its too much. You should have a serious conversation with him about this matter and let him know how you feel and tell him what I said as well.
There are many ways to overcome that. There’s phone sex, sexting, Skype and sex toys to name a few if he is willing to help.
Well, there are many factors that cause this and its nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. 10% of women have never ever experienced orgasm or they can’t. The factors might range from being related to their mind or even something that is medically curable. You can read up on what I told to a guy about helping his lover to reach orgasm on the mental factors relating to this. As for the rest of the stuff. I will tell you a few things. One, learn how it happens to you when you can reach it when you aren’t having sex. What you think about, where it starts and how you reach it or induce it. For most women, its something they have to learn to achieve. So, next time you masturbate, try to learn how it happens. It will take a bit of time to understand it fully as its hard to concentrate but you will get the hang of it with a few tries. As for the next thing, relax. Relax you mind. Relax your body. Don’t force anything to happen like you are waiting in hiding for that orgasm to stroll by so you can grab it by the neck. Ease into the sensation of whats happening and let your lover know if he is doing something that you love or if you want him to do something that will help you feel more aroused. That brings me to the next part of it. Arousal. Its one of the most important parts of having an orgasm. Arousal is something that tenses up our sexual side so that everything that works in conjunction with it knows what to do with whats gonna happen. Like your genitals know what to do when your brain sends the signals that way when you get aroused. So, lots of foreplay, stimulating vital parts of your body where you are most sexually sensitive and even, oral sex can sometimes help as well if he is up to it. And, next is learning each others genital reactions and stimulation process. Try something like masturbating with him. It might seem awkward or funny to you or him but try it. Let him hold your hand while you masturbate. Let him learn what you are doing. Annddd… Last but not least, build up. Build up your conversation and your time leading up to having sex in such a way that you are ready and fully aroused mentally for whats gonna happen. Talk about your likes and dislikes, talk about what he loves and what you love that you want to do. Talk about what you think when you masturbate, or about how you reach orgasm and what you do when you masturbate, talk about positions and things you like to experiment or have fun talking about something you read that might be good to try but seems crazy to you. Sex isn’t about orgasm. Its about the love for each other and the bond you share when your bodies are together. Orgasm will come along as a part of it naturally once you learn each other bodies fully. These things sometimes take a bit of time but its worth it. Hope it helps :)
The problem here is you trying to ‘TRAIN’ her to orgasm! FYI, she’s NOT a parrot! and you can’t ‘train’ a woman to orgasm. Stop that and she will get comfortable enough to feel safe with you to let go.
But, I know this is something that a lot of women have problem with and the only way to get through this is with the help of her lover. There’s no shortcut to knowing how the brain of woman works. Every woman out there is unique even if the traits seen in them are sometimes similar. Their mindset built through their past and background in which they grew up is what makes up the reason for certain physical or mental reactions that manifest in them. No two women grow up the same way. So, you have to try and understand her. To treat her with care and love. To make her feel safe and loved. To let her know that she is safe in your arms and that she can let go and you will hold her even if its too intense. This is part of the trust she has with you. And you can’t make a woman trust you or ‘TRAIN’ a woman to trust you. You can ONLY try and earn her trust through time and effort and what you do for her and make her feel, and not just when it comes to the physical. Making love is as much a part of daily life as much as it is anything else you do. The intensity or the emotion behind the love you make at any time depends upon factors that happened before it came to that. You can’t make a woman get used to having an orgasm. Its something that comes as a part of her emotional side working with her physical side to get her to that place. It’s not as simple as it is for men, or at least most men.
Let me say this all in short. Women are emotional beings. Their emotions play a huge part in every aspect of their life and everything that they do. Thinking that they are some kind of toy or object or even some kind of machine you can ‘MAKE’ into doing something is the first folly that many a men do and which only ends up with them being let down or left behind or even overlooked by their woman or women in general. Learn to treat a woman right, be it in bed or outside of the bedroom. Learn to love her and treat her with respect and keep her safe even if she is strong enough to take care of herself. Learn to know the difference between what she wants and what she need. Learn to love her without limit but still giving her the space to think for her own and respect her personal space and her boundaries. Women are as simple as they are complicated. In the end, all I can say is that, God made women in such a way that a man who truly does love his woman has to work for it not just with his mind, but his heart as well. Well, as they say, nothing good ever comes easy. And that includes that part you asked about making her orgasm as well.
If all a person wants is sex in a relationship then its not a good relationship. A good relationship is built on more than just physical attraction or pleasure. Sure, it IS still part of it but theres more to it than that. And yes, there are guy who look for more than just sex with a girl. And if all a guy wants is sex from you then its better to not get involved with him. The only way you can confirm it is if he is willing to wait till you are ready for it. But, don’t make it a wait that lasts forever though. THAT though can make a guy not stay in a relationship. And it doesn’t just apply for relationship when it comes to a man, but for women as well. I am guessing you already knew all that even without me saying it but here’s me confirming your thoughts :)
Not me :) You can blame tumblr for that little vanishing act.